


We need to talk

by callumthighway



Category: Ballum, Ben Mitchell - Fandom, EastEnders (TV), ben x callum - Fandom, callum highway - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 05:31:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callumthighway/pseuds/callumthighway
Summary: Ben and Callum both have a hard time talking about their emotions, being closeted with disapproving fathers will do that to you.





	We need to talk

Callum and Ben both struggle with opening up. Callum, having been closeted up until very recently has a particularly hard time with this. He has never truly felt like he could talk to anyone and be his full self, because it was his true self that he got so good at hiding. Instilled from as early as he could remember was a deep shame and disgust for who he was, all thanks to his father and brother’s toxic ideologies they loaded onto Callum in a desperate, misguided plea to make him not be gay, something they truly believed was something he could control, or wish away, or something that they could shame him out of being. 

Callum never put trust in anyone enough to feel comfortable being his entire self for fear of slipping up and confessing to being gay. That is, until he met Ben. That connection that lit him up inside, that made him feel so many things that he had never even imagined were possible, that connection that sparked this willingness, this want, to be open and honest with another person. His deepest secret that he swore he would never confront, he would never tell a soul, but here he is, Ben, the soul that fits Callum’s, that sees Callum and who Callum sees. Two souls meeting, connecting, seeing each other in one another’s entirety, it’s the thing of dreams. The only person that came close was Chris, but there was always a slight sense of distance between them because Callum was too afraid to talk about his feelings, until it was too late. But he won’t wait until it’s too late this time, he can’t.

Maybe things happen for a reason, maybe in some serendipitous way, he was meant to feel those things for Chris first but maybe Ben was the one who was always going to walk into his life and be the one. The one that would light a fire in Callum so bright that no matter how hard he tried to fight it, to extinguish it, it would never go out, so bright that he would have no choice but to confront it, to embrace it. Maybe Ben was the one who could truly love Callum and teach him how to accept this love. Maybe destiny isn’t just for fairytales. 

Callum wanted to talk to Ben, and he knew Ben would listen, but old habits break hard and anytime he tried to open up, he would stop himself, it felt like he would literally be tongue tied, and he would back out of it. Ben knew this, he knew there was more that Callum had to say, he sees him, therefore he sees that there is still a layer that sits between them, and only Callum can push through it and let Ben in. 

Callum and Ben are cuddled up on the sofa at Callum’s flat, but for some reason he finds himself tearing up. This happens from time to time and Callum can’t control it, he’s usually on his own when this happens, but this time he’s with Ben, the guy he’s dreamt of for so long, why is he crying? It doesn’t make sense. Ben hears Callum sniffing and looks up at him, “hey, what’s wrong?”. Callum shakes his head, wipes his tears and says it’s nothing. Ben won’t let it go, he knows that Callum needs to talk.  
“Sometimes I get overwhelmed, and I just cry, and I don’t know why. I mean… There are things I could cry about but I wasn’t even thinking about them, I don’t get it” he says, looking down as if feeling a bit of shame.  
Ben turns to fully face him, but Callums eyes are firmly in his lap. Ben gently puts one finger on Callum’s chin and carefully lifts Callum’s head until he is once again falling into Callum’s gaze. 

“Hey…”, he says, with a tiny, careful smile and that soft, tender voice reserved for Callum only. Callum looks at the man staring right back at him, “there he is,'' he thinks.


End file.
